Being Self - less

I am a Christian, a deeply flawed one but I know I'm not alone on that score.  But I've been grappling with the paradox of being self less and having self confidence.  I have not totally figured it out yet but I know this much is true.  Knowing who you are is very important.  If you are making a sacrifice I think you need to know why you are doing it.  I used to think that I must sacrifice everything for my children. So I didn't buy new clothes regularly, I stopped going away for regular short breaks. One day I knew I looked and felt rough and to boot a family member saw me and I felt even worse.  What was I doing to myself?! 

This sacrificial thinking went on for some years until I lost a sense of myself.  I was catering for everyone else except myself.  I had lost sight of my own passions and purpose and it left me feeling down, helpless and frustrated.  The phrase loving myself was alien to me.  How did you do that?  What did it really mean? 

Over the past two years I've been rediscovering who I am and what makes me tick.  This reflections showed me that a lot of things I plan for my children is not just for them its for me too. They do a lot of parks and walking and outdoor pursuits which I like. Then I looked for times I could do something for myself by myself.  Swimming was one of the first things I did when starting to love myself.

I was challenged again this week by something I read in Joyce Meyers book 100 Ways to Simplfy your Life.  I opened a page randomly and it said to doing something for someone else takes the emphasis off concentrating on your own problems and conversely you'll feel better about yourself.  

Well I did it.  I took a friend for breakfast and listened to her.  I shared what had worked for me and yes I did feel good.  I had a clearer head as my problems were not crowding my head space and I managed to make some career resolutions. My friend also showed appreciation for the time spent.  

I know there are many times you do something self less where there is no gratification instant or delayed.  Parts of motherhood can seem like that.  Its only when you actively sit and reflect sometimes that you think "I feel good that  I did that." or I will not be doing that again or you draw a boundary that you will do thing if certain conditions are met. 

 It can be harmful if you are always giving out and not receiving any benefit for yourself.  Its like being a jug of water, if you pour to 10 glasses without refilling you become empty.  

What can you refill yourself with? It may be prayer, meditation, reflection, journalling, exercise or simply nourishing your physical being.

Therefore like many things in life being both self less and self confident requires balance.