The Journey

When I originally started this post I was fixed on coaching women.  That is where I wanted to go, but my journey has brought me back to my first love - education.
Although that was the basis of my goal I wanted to speak to women such as myself.  I do speak to women just like myself and they tell me a lot about myself - my gifts, my drive, love for family and the importance of having good friends around you.

On my Self Confidence Coach page I did not get to speak to the huge seminar of women that I had hoped to,  I speak in small groups in which I facilitate learning about self love and self care.
The large amount of my work this year has been with children and young adults.  Just being instead of doing has been my most successful work.

On my journey I'm learning that eating wholesome nutritious food 3 - 5 times per day is good. So is regular exercise on waking for me and a walk at lunchtime.
 Starting my morning commute with a friend is priceless. You can talk away all your frustrations. Car sharing will be a new habit of mine.
Taking time for myself to recharge especially at a Spa - love those places.
At least 2 Sundays in the month at Church.
Listening to my favourite music while doing tasks I dislike is great.
Creating memories with my family is also good and I do not need to be on holiday to do it.
Giving back is great.  The choir that I am a member of do not just sing but give out tea and cookies, give gifts to those in need.
Lounging on the sofa has its place but for me it is not something I should do habitually as its not a great headspace for me.

Accepting myself whatever weight I am is key.  I put some of the weight I lost back on but I am happy with myself. I love rediscovering the child I aml 
I think this year's photo that I will admire about myself is one at my friend's party with a bouncy castle.

Anything is Possible a Guest blog by Neil Kirby

This ground-breaking project helps raise the aspirations and achievements of children and young people by focusing on the child as an encourager.

It is a package of tools for teachers and youth leaders to encourage children to take responsibility for their own learning, improve their own focus and effort, and to encourage those around them.

The children act as ‘encouragers’ or young coaches in ways that coaches encourage people in sport or business for example. 

The package encourages children to find their “red rubber ball” - a metaphor for our passions; the things that interest and excite each of us, whether it be sport, music, art, business, fashion, animals, journalism …… 

As Richard Branson says, “If you can indulge in your passion, life will be far more interesting than if you're just working.  You'll work harder at it, and you'll know more about it”.

Focusing on the four elements of Choice, Passion, Vision, and Action – children support each other through open discussion and questioning to establish their hopes, aspirations and dreams for the future.

The children appreciate the benefit of having higher aspirations for themselves, understand what motivates them and discover what they need to do to achieve their dreams and aspirations.

‘That you have to chase your dream not just sit there!’

‘You have to work to get your goal’

‘It’s never too late to change’

Here’s just one example:

A young boy, Tim, identified that he’d like to be an architect.  We encouraged him to think about what he might do to make that happen and he concluded to become really good at science and maths.  So we encouraged him to explore this further, to become more specific and he decided to start with fractions.

Later that day his teacher approached me. “Do you know what just happened?” she said.  “Tim came and asked if I could give him some extra fractions to practice at home”.  She could not recall a boy EVER asking for extra maths homework!

It will be a while before we know if Tim does become an architect.  But we do know that he understands that HE is the one who’ll make it happen and he’s started to do something about it.

The Self Confidence coach will be running the Anything is Possible Saturday club for 6 weeks in Stevenage.  Please email medgar238@gmail.com for further details.

Being Self - less

I am a Christian, a deeply flawed one but I know I'm not alone on that score.  But I've been grappling with the paradox of being self less and having self confidence.  I have not totally figured it out yet but I know this much is true.  Knowing who you are is very important.  If you are making a sacrifice I think you need to know why you are doing it.  I used to think that I must sacrifice everything for my children. So I didn't buy new clothes regularly, I stopped going away for regular short breaks. One day I knew I looked and felt rough and to boot a family member saw me and I felt even worse.  What was I doing to myself?! 

This sacrificial thinking went on for some years until I lost a sense of myself.  I was catering for everyone else except myself.  I had lost sight of my own passions and purpose and it left me feeling down, helpless and frustrated.  The phrase loving myself was alien to me.  How did you do that?  What did it really mean? 

Over the past two years I've been rediscovering who I am and what makes me tick.  This reflections showed me that a lot of things I plan for my children is not just for them its for me too. They do a lot of parks and walking and outdoor pursuits which I like. Then I looked for times I could do something for myself by myself.  Swimming was one of the first things I did when starting to love myself.

I was challenged again this week by something I read in Joyce Meyers book 100 Ways to Simplfy your Life.  I opened a page randomly and it said to doing something for someone else takes the emphasis off concentrating on your own problems and conversely you'll feel better about yourself.  

Well I did it.  I took a friend for breakfast and listened to her.  I shared what had worked for me and yes I did feel good.  I had a clearer head as my problems were not crowding my head space and I managed to make some career resolutions. My friend also showed appreciation for the time spent.  

I know there are many times you do something self less where there is no gratification instant or delayed.  Parts of motherhood can seem like that.  Its only when you actively sit and reflect sometimes that you think "I feel good that  I did that." or I will not be doing that again or you draw a boundary that you will do thing if certain conditions are met. 

 It can be harmful if you are always giving out and not receiving any benefit for yourself.  Its like being a jug of water, if you pour to 10 glasses without refilling you become empty.  

What can you refill yourself with? It may be prayer, meditation, reflection, journalling, exercise or simply nourishing your physical being.

Therefore like many things in life being both self less and self confident requires balance.

My transformation

A year ago I was 3 stones heavier. I was depressed, restless and wanting desperately for my life to better.  In March of last year I had coffee with a friend who I'd known for a couple of years.  She knew that I'd been trying to work for myself but she knew my story.  I was talking to her and I started crying and I will never forget what she said to me in a very loving way.  You can do all these things but sort yourself out first.
She told me that there is no shame in getting the Dr to give me anti depressants.  I was horrified at the suggestion of drugs as I'm very much a holistic medicine type of person.  But I was so low I went and booked a Doctor's appointment - I didn't end up going to the until a month later.

The Doctor discouraged me from taking anti depressants as they were not a short term fix.  I can't remember what he suggested as an alternative.  So I left the surgery thinking there's one last thing I'm going to try - diet and exercise.  But I couldn't afford gym membership how could I do this?

In July 2012 Dax Moy offered a free Summer challenge.  It involved eliminating all processed foods out of my diet and daily exercise. I had done one of his 30 day challenges twice before and I lost weight but I only did the diet for about 15 days.  This time I was determined to do a clean diet and exercise together for the first time in my life.
I had exercised on and off after I left I left school  but apart from walking and sporadic yoga I didn't have an exercise routine.   It was hard at first.  I followed the diet as much as I could. I was to do the prescribed exercise 3 times a day.  But I just did one because I was walking 6 times a day to do school and nursery runs.

I stuck to the programme as I saw results almost immediately.  You have to drink a lot of water 1litre for every 50lbs you weighed so your body dumps the toxins. I could see a difference in day 2.  My ever growing stomach had reduced.

I did various challenges until July this year.  Today I am the same weight as I was at 22.  I feel 22.  I've got the authentic Melanie back - the mad, cheeky, loving laughter creative.  Gone was the sad, dry, self pitying empty shell of a woman.  I also did a lot of personal development and a lot of prayer, counselling.  You can't work on the outer without working on the inner.  The final act was believing in myself and just allowing myself to be.  And as Jim Rohn said I "Just do it."  No overthinking, I just did it.
I'm still a work in progress.  But there's a tangible change.
What do you want for you life.  The power to change starts with you.  It could start by doing one thing and doing it over and over again til you've mastered it. There are no quick fixes in life.  Its one foot in front of the other and its about having values and honouring them.
Can you transform yourself with some help - YOU'D BETTER BELIEVE IT!!!!

Visit www.londonpersonaltraining.com for a free download of the elimination diet.

Improving literacy builds confidence.

Have you ever got application forms for jobs and found your never filled them in?  Are you in a dead end job because you think you are not intelligent enough for anything else.

People who are not confident in their reading, writing and comprehension skills are held back by their perception of themselves.   Sitting with a tutor or coach while they read or ensure they have understood a piece of work is a real confidence boost.  Having someone encourage you sharing learning strategies with you are a huge boost to confidence and can help you make leaps and bounds in achieving personal goals.

The challenge is to cut through the stigma and shame of feeling inadequate.  If you need help ask for it. It is often good to approach a professional or an experienced teacher for this as they will not judge you and affirm your strengths and highlight areas for improvement. 
A person who knows they have dyslexia and embraces it is far more productive and successful than someone who has it and tries to hide it.  A person who seems highly successful to you has strategies they use to help them to achieve things.  We all have strengths, areas for improvement and things that are just plain difficult.  It is useful to know what all of these are so you know you know what areas you should get help in and spend time improving your strengths.

If you need one to one help with literacy please contact me on medgar238@gmail.com.

Overcoming fear

One of my fears was selling.  Many people think I can do it but I used to feel uncomfortable selling things to people.
I now have found something that I am passionate about - pampering and skin care.  Selling involves doing the things I love, dressing up, wearing make up but most importantly being able to help others.
I still have barriers to climb but I have decided to stick at it and hold on to the rollercoaster safty bar when I face things that I'm uncomfortable instead of stopping the ride and getting off.

What is self-confidence?

Self confidence is that unshakeable belief that whatever you set out to achieve you will.  You believe this even when the people around you think its risky.  Moreover you achieve what you said you would in a timely manner.  Your achievements are gained with the minimum amount of fuss or fanfare because you are operating in your gifts and talents.

You are driven, lively, enthusiastic with purpose and a goal to achieve.  You are not afraid to move forward even though the way ahead is not clear or straightforward.  You take time for yourself fulfilling your spiritual and emotional needs in a way that is nuturing and non destructive.
This is true self confidence.